“The Honeymoon Period” – ACM Safeguarding Lead, Chris East

14 Apr 2021

This post was written more than two years ago. The content or information below may no longer be accurate.

ACM’s Designated Safeguarding Lead

What Is the Honeymoon Period?

The honeymoon period is an early stage of every couple’s relationship and can last between six months to two years. You want to spend every minute with your partner, you couldn’t imagine ever being apart and see only perfection.

After a while though, you will notice some of these novelties wear away. This doesn’t mean your relationship is over, it means it’s only just beginning. 

At roughly 4 to 6 months into a relationship it is worth asking yourself the following questions to establish if it is worth continuing with the relationship or working out areas that require focus:

  • You have no desire to be romantically involved with anyone else
  • You often think of ways to make your partner happy
  • You feel elevated in their presence
  • You feel safe and happy with that person
  • There is trust and respect between each other
  • You often spend quality time together
  • You have a natural desire for openness and honesty
  • There are mutual physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual attraction and chemistry

You obviously don’t require absolute perfection regarding the list above, it is just a simple checklist outlining necessary points to take into consideration whilst navigating and evaluating your relationship through its early stages.

As relationships evolve you will continuously learn more and more about your partner; although we are not to change our partners to merge with our own ideal, we can encourage improvements in areas that may not be favourable. 

Bob Dylan – Make you feel my love

I know you haven’t made your mind up yet

But I would never do you wrong

I’ve known it from the moment that we met

No doubt in my mind where you belong

What is a relationship?

We all require relationships with someone else for many different reasons such as: 

  • Increasing our emotional well being
  • Creating stability
  • Learning how to be a good friend
  • Having someone to count on and trust in times of need
  • Someone to vent to when we face challenges

Each relationship we have produces different responses in ourselves that help us to grow and learn. During times of stressful situations and when we face life’s difficulties, having someone there to either support us or share in the experience benefits our overall ability to manage the situation effectively. 

My wife and I married in 2012, we have three children and have balanced challenging jobs and parenting by working as a team. When one of us isn’t feeling 100% the other will inevitably take on more responsibility. This is a brief illustration of what a relationship is about; it’s about working and managing challenging situations together and knowing that we can rely on someone else to support us in a time of need. Add to this an enjoyment of your partner’s company, a desire for their happiness and the ability to constantly learn new things about each other, you can gain a regular understanding of the health of your relationship. 

False expectations

Having expectations is not a bad thing, it shows you value yourself and want what’s best for you. However, for some, expectations don’t always match up to those of their partners, to avoid sad realisation landing us in unrealistic territory, we need to address if these expectations are sensible or appropriate.

You can go into a relationship dreaming of eternal happiness and long-lasting love; this is still possible. However, a relationship takes time to build and requires patience and understanding. Within a relationship you will hit tough times, have the occasional argument and disagreement, feel hurt or upset, these are all common occurrences and not something to be worried about. 

However, It’s when these become too common and occur regularly that you need to address the main concerns and contributing factors. Understanding what a relationship is and means helps you to process what is right and wrong when managing expectations, as well as removing the unrealistic elements of your dream relationship.

Skin – Falling for You

Caught a look in your eyes

Did they linger too long

Were you just being kind

Or have a read it all wrong

When i brushed by your side

Suddenly I realised

There’s something going on…

Making your decision 

If you have been dating for some time and you find that your relationship is more of a struggle to maintain or is making you increasingly unhappy, perhaps you should consider whether this relationship is right for you.

Love is Blind…the feeling of love can convince people to stay in relationships that are unhealthy, unfulfilling and ultimately unhappy. 

A few simple questions to ask yourself to establish if you need to step away:

  • You’re seeking your needs from others
  • Your friends and family don’t support your relationship
  • You are happier away from your partner than when with them
  • Your partner is abusive

Once you’ve made your decision then your partner must accept it. There are many reasons someone will stay in a relationship that is unhealthy for them, sometimes it is difficult to leave, especially if their partner is abusive. 

*If you are worried about your circumstances where finance, property and/or children are involved I encourage you to seek support, either from family and friends or from a professional organisation or charity. 

There are members of the Safeguarding team who have experience of handling such situations, their contact details can be found below.

Female Victims of Domestic AbuseRefuge 

  • 0808 2000 247
  • www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

Male Victims of Domestic Abuse Mankind Initiative

  • 01823 334244
  • www.mankind.org.uk

If you would like support with anything mentioned within this article please contact studentsupport@acm.ac.uk, alternatively, you can find out more information on our Student Services Canvas page.

If you have a concern for your wellbeing or that of someone else associated with ACM, please contact the safeguarding team:
Email – dsl@acm.ac.uk
Call – 01483 910197